November 2, 2024

Dear GATE Parents,

According the the Surgeon General's recent advisory regarding parental mental health and well being, 33% of parents report high levels of stress in the past month compared to 20% of other adults. Moreover, 48% of parents say that most days their stress is completely overwhelming compared to 26% among other adults. Knowing that parenting gifted kids comes with its own special set of worries and complexities, I asked our GATE parents how they were feeling, what is stressing them out, and how they are coping. Here are some of the highlights of our conversation:

• Parents are worried about doing everything right! Parenting now is so different from the latchkey kid 80s. Our parents took less control over our social lives, we were freer to make decisions and mistakes. Perhaps because of this lack of parental oversight when we were kids, GATE parents are now much more plugged into the psychological needs of their children. Parents are earnestly trying to give their kids more attention than they themselves received and it can be exhausting!

• Parents discussed the stressors that they face - getting kids to eat, sleep, and engage socially outside of GATE were the top three.

  • Parents experience negotiation fatigue when it comes to bedtime and eating. 

  • GATE kids may be more particular about their foods, also their deep interests often distract them from their own hunger cues.

    • Parents discussed the virtues of teaching kids to honor their bodies' needs and signals versus the need for the kids to eat so they do not get hangry!
    • At GATE when kids come to the office with BIG feelings we always check to see if they have eaten. Usually they have not! At lunch time we have a rule, the first 10 minutes there is no play allowed, the children are supposed to eat before they play.

  • Parents talked about the stress surrounding scheduling social activities outside of GATE.

    • There is negotiation fatigue among parents - "Are you driving to soccer?" "No, I thought you were driving to soccer!" "If you drive this time, I will drive next time." etc.

      • It is challenging to remember to schedule playdates for your kids and these days kids do not take the lead on this. Also, many GATE families live far apart from each other making impromptu visits very challenging.
      • Parents discussed getting the kids together over zoom so they may play chess as a group rather than in isolation - but this still involves parental oversight.
      • Moving forward, parents will encourage their children to plan ahead and remind their parents about getting together with other GATE families.

There is a silver lining for GATE kids (and parents). While there are logistical and social obstacles when attending a small school like GATE, the children are engaged, interested and having fun in school! GATE's inquiry-based program and mission to group gifted kids together with their intellectual peers is working for y(our) kids!

Also, I just want to say, parents, you are doing a wonderful job! I see how hard you work for your kids and your hard work is paying off! Your kids are happy, grateful, hardworking, and kind. It is such a joy to work with you and your kids. Please be sure to give yourselves a big pat on the back today! 

We will definitely have more discussions like this in the future. Having the support of the community as a GATE parent is so important. I am honored to facilitate this during our parent meetings.

Take care,

Nichole